The Urban Hill

Clicked by me!

Sometimes in life, and I know this might sound very typical, you get lost. You look around, and everything seems different.

Its weird in a way because things look familiar, they sound familiar, they even taste familiar. And yet, they don’t feel the same.

Friends do not feel like friends. You start seeing them in a different light. All the things you relied on for support seem to not work anymore. You feel confused and overwhelmed. And you say to yourself, something has changed.

You look around, and desperately try to find the reason behind this change. You analyse your life, you analyse the people you interact with, you wonder whether you have done something wrong…

You introspect your personality, you doubt yourself, you try to find someone to blame for your problems. You look for comfort in the comfort zone. You look for some kind of familiarity. You try to find some hope to desperately cling on to.

And it doesn’t work.

And then, you find yourself wandering through the streets of Pune, alone and deep in thought, thinking – why has everybody changed?

And then it hits you harder than a punch in the face: you are the one who has changed.

Of course, by now, you must know that this is all about me. Not you, not him, not her. Not the reader. But about the writer. This writer, in particular.

It wasn’t all that bad, but it was something new. The feeling of being lost, truly lost, was something I had never faced. I had faced feelings similar to this, but not completely like this. And recently, I had the pleasure to finally do so.

And as a result, I found myself on the Urban Hill.

It was a cute little hill, carved out of a sea of mountains. At the edge of Pune’s urban boundaries, it lay quietly and delightedly. Poised at the perfect location, it stood welcoming and tall, yet comforting short.

Bhakti Shakti, it was called. They had turned the hill into a park. A beautiful, clean, nice and simple park. From afar, it seemed like any of the hills and mountains you see while passing Lonavala. But as I came closer, I saw the fine, intricate pathway woven into its grassy skin, the tall statue of Chatrapati Shivaji Maharaj and Sant Tukaram and the tall flag pole. I sat there, in my own thoughts, oblivious to the beauty around me, at the start. I was so lost in my own thought that I did not notice the bronze sculpture.

Behind me was one of the greatest Kings of all time. Behind me was also one of the most popular saints in India. Behind me was Bhakti and Shakti. And all it took was a selfie flash of some school going girl, to make me turn and marvel in its beauty.

Now, I could lie and say that the statue is what made me realise the true nature of life. I could claim that somehow, the towering frame of Chatrapati Shivaji bathing in the glory of the melodious Sant Tukaram was what brought me back to my senses. And made me realise why I felt lost.

But it wasn’t.

All the statue made me feel is more lost! Because by looking at the statue, the real complexity of life hit me. I sat there in the cool breeze, with the pointy grass making my ass itchy, just staring. And only when I turned away did I finally realise what was going on.

That one feels lost in a strange new world. But one has to carve out a new way in this new and unknown world. One has to change, one has to adapt and one has to grow to survive in this new world. Thinking about past, stewing in your own thoughts or thinking on and on about why, how or when, will not help. You need to focus on the what. On what you are going to do about it.

You need to accept the fact that while everything and everyone around you feels brand new, it is only because you have changed. And you get to decide if this change is for the better or for the worse.

Peace!

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The one with the struggle above the sea

Evening dawned, and with it a struggle.

High above the roaring waves of the Arabian Sea, a battle was ensuing. A mixture of bleak colours fought admirably. I was there, watching it all unfold. Somewhere deep down, I knew who would win.

The blue was missing. I loved the blue of the Sky. It brought serenity with it. Clear and crisp, the Sky was usually the best way to remind me that calmness was essential in life. Today, however, there was no Sky… At least not in its entirety. Here and there, the chaos below the Sky made way for its blue to streak through. In some places, where the rest was missing, the Sky could be seen clearly. It made me realize that even in the most chaotic of times, you can find peace… if you only know where to look.

The grey was a different story. I did not like the murky grey. The clouds that bore this colour were not simple wisps of heavenly cotton – instead, they were ugly and gargantuan, poised to strike. Not only were they huge and monstrous, they were also plenty in number. They were uninvited guests unlikely to take no for an answer. They wanted to conquer the Sky. They wanted to stow the blue away. They wanted grey. They wanted wetness. They wanted to pour. A moment ago, they were non-existent. Now, they were simply there… Appearing out of thin air (which was probably how they were formed). And as I watched it, another realization hit me: problems in life are just like these rain clouds – sudden and random. They can appear at any time in life and can cause chaos as they please. There might be one small grey cloud, or there can be a whole army.

Contrasting the grey was the shining light and my favourite: the yellow. The gift of the Sun and one last hope against the grey. The yellow battled with pride, being weak but also brave. With the help of the blue, it struggled to push the grey away. Using brilliant techniques, it searched for cracks, nooks and crannies in the rain clouds and tried its best to shine through. It was losing. I wanted the blue and the yellow. I wanted the streaks. I hoped it would win. But somewhere deep down, a well calculated decision had made me bring my umbrella along. This only meant one thing: grey was about to win. But the Sun would not back down. And herein lay another bout of revelation, seemingly tailored for me: even in the darkest of times, don’t give up. Be weak, be vulnerable, let the odds be against you but DO NOT GIVE UP. EVER.

I knew the yellow would lose. I knew that grey would shroud blue for months to come. And above all, I knew the outcome of this fruitless battle: monsoon. The first downpour. Rainfall.

And as I stood below my umbrella, an expected outcome becoming real right there in front of my very eyes, another revelation struck me. It shook me. It made my eyes twinkle. Perhaps in the same way the lightning, born from the union of two rain clouds, did.

I swam in this knowledge, in this key realization that would probably uplift my mood for the next few days as I saw the downpour, as I saw the yellow from the Sun overcome by the grey from the clouds, as I saw the blue from the Sky become one with the winner of this great battle of nature. And I smiled.

Because as I saw the rain tumble down in heavy droplets victoriously; as I saw it pelt the ground forcefully and in its full might, I saw something brilliant. It made me realize this: Monstrous and unyielding, the grey clouds may bring darkness, but at the same time, they gift us rain and in doing so bring about real beauty of nature. Similarly, life may bring problems, and along with it darkness, but why at all should this mean that the problems are our doom and forever?

After all, it wasn’t a battle. It was just another chapter of life. Another phase. Another cycle. And while the clouds had conquered, they too would pass. They too would go away. And one day, the yellow would shine again.


Heya Bleedsters!
Saying that it has been a long time since my last post would be a gross under-statement. Its been a busy year for me and I am not ashamed to admit that the frequency of the posts has been shaken up quite a bit because of that. But that does not stop me from writing another post for you guys. I hope it provides some sort of an inspiration to all. Better late than never, and even better than hardly ever, right?
Love,
Kunal.


As always, if any of it made you smile, laugh, frown or giggle like a little baby, comment share and like! To be up-to-date with my other posts, give a like to my Facebook page and follow onTwitter if you use it! Any images used are either taken from Google Images, from my own personal collection or some other sources (which will be mentioned if and when, unless stated otherwise). Contact me if you want it removed.

Dealing with an Unexpected Situation

I stood still and unmoving. Quietness was encompassing me. It was a hot day, but a good kind of hot. The only thing I could say about the day was that it was perfectly normal. It was clean. No sweats. No problems at all. Everything was fine. I was comfortable as hell and expecting the unexpected. Then, cold water washed over me.

Comfort fled; I jumped in shock. Now, I was sweating. It was a different kind of sweat – no, it was rather a tingling feeling. From the tip of my fingers, to my now wet palms to my heart, the tingle spread. A millisecond later, extremely quick numbness took the tingle’s place and froze me. I felt as if I was standing at the end of a long tunnel, watching my life unfurl like a flag, or play out like a movie at the other end, instead of living it in reality. My mind, or whatever was controlling it, had snuck inside, deeper, so that I felt lost at the wake of the moment.

I realized a clock-tick later that I was not drenched. Neither was I wet, nor was there any water, cold or hot. It wasn’t the change in my body temperature, or the serious shock from the cold water that had me in cold sweats that one could not see physically, but simply feel. It was the situation.

I was in a situation that made me afraid. An uncomfortable one. An unexpected one. It made my tongue tickle, it made my skin crawl, and it left me phased out. It didn’t matter what the shock was. Hell, it doesn’t even matter what the situation was. It could be an unexpected person I never want to see who had appeared in front of me, or it could be a test result that had just popped up that showed ‘Failed.’ It could be anything from terribly good to delightfully bad. It doesn’t matter. This is not about that.

This is instead about what to do next. How do you face the fear? How do you snap out of it?

Let me take an analogy of my friend. He recently went through an awry friendship fight. He happened to see his friend a few weeks later, in a public place. And he just froze. Right there, a thousand things must have popped up in his mind, a thousand levels of changes must have happened in his body. He must have frozen predictably because of the unexpected situation. And hours later, he confided in me that he felt guilty for feeling this. And that is when he asked me the question that made me write this: Why?

Why do we feel so phased out when the unexpected intrudes our path? What is it about the crappy situations that we are forced into that renders us speechless? Why, oh frigging why, do we have to stare in numbness at the thing we never wanted to happen (but has)?

I, sadly, do not have the answer to this. Perhaps one day, I will. But for now, I become as phased out as the next man. I find myself under a shocking situation that I did not even think about occurring, I stand there quietly. I stand there motionless. People could mistake me for a pillar.

But the one thing I learnt, is that, the more you grow, the more you learn. And the more you learn, the more you are accustomed to such situations. A few years ago, if you had seen me in such a situation, I would truly be an aforementioned pillar. But as I have grown, as I have experienced, I realize so much. I have learnt to expect the unexpected. I have learnt to deal with situations in a much more non-frozen (forgive me for making up a word) manner. I embrace the shock, and move on.


Hey, Bleedsters!
This is my 41st post! I have finally completed 40 posts on my blog and have successfully crossed the milestone. It feels good, and I need some good. Why? Because Engineering exams have ensued. Its like a battle between the different parts of my brain. Its exhausting. This post might be a little crazy, one of the intellectual posts I have ever done, but it is new kind of writing. In no way is it actually intellectual but I thought I would share my views on it anyway. 

Those who do not have exams right now, must be enjoying their summer. Happy vacations to them.
Love,
Kunal.


As always, if any of it made you smile, laugh, frown or giggle like a little baby, comment share and like! To be up-to-date with my other posts, give a like to my Facebook page and follow on Twitter if you use it! Any images used are either taken from Google Images or from my own personal collection or other sources which will be mentioned if and when, unless stated otherwise. Contact me if you want it removed.